My Promise

When I seperated from my ex almost a year ago I was really struggling. I was struggling with losing everything involved with that relationship that I loved so dearly, and a lot of that struggle came from missing my step-girls.

I have always wanted to have a child of my own, my own flesh and blood and this seperation brought a certain life and a certain death to that dream. When I was in that relationship I thought he would be the father of my child (and he almost was), then when we seperated I realized that I wanted something entirely different.

I was having a hard time and I was really wanting to crochet (even with my injured thumb). So I dug through my yarn and found some that I had tucked away for a few years. I bought it because I thought it was gorgeous, but never knew what I would make with it.... until that day.

I started a baby blanket. With it I made a promise to my future little one(s). I promised them that they would get this blanket one day. I promised them that when they were born into this great world they would be safe. They would be loved. They would be cherished. I promised them that both of their parents would be equally devoted and equally completely in love with them. I promised them that both parents would forever protect them and nourish them physically, emotionally and mentally. I promised them that they would never have to fear their father, and with every stitch of this blanket I made a promise to them that I would pick a man worthy of them.

It is hard to realize that everything you ever wanted is now the same thing you vow to do differently.

I finally finished this blanket. My bumm hand made it a long project, but I finished it about a month ago and honestly, I'm in love with it. I love the basketweave pattern, I love the tight stitches, I love the promise that it holds.

You my dear, are promised here and now, that I will pick for you a home that is full of love, never fear. A home that is full of learning and growth, never abuse and shame.

So here it is, my present to you.

I'm a Runner?

Last week I started a 5k training program. I've been a little reluctant to start, thinking maybe I should lose some weight before putting my knees through this, but here I am at the start of week 2 and I'm feeling surprisingly awesome.

Now, I'll admit, at times I think that I might die... like today in the hurricane force winds. To keep myself motivated I try to visualize myself fit and performing well. I try to picture my body the way I want it to be, doing the things I want to do.

The problem is, sometimes I feel like this picture... not matter how hard I try to visualize otherwise.


The thing is, this will change. Today my podcast for my 5k training referred to me as a "runner." It actually spoke to me, calling me a "runner!!" It took a minute for me to realize it was talking to me, qualifying me in this group. I've always wanted to fall in love with running. I've always wanted to be that girl that "had to get her run in today to help clear her mind."

Well, my visualization is this girl below. This is who I want to be eventually. This is the "runner" I picture existing at the end of my training, the runner I strive to be.

So for now I will run, try not to die and fight the winds 3 times a week. I will keep focused on the prize.... and that being a 5k that is scheduled for my birthday, May 7th. I promised myself that this year would be MINE, and how better to prove that than conquering a 5k on my birthday?!?!?

Ballet Technique?!?!?

I've promised myself that I will start dancing again.

I'm not talking about going to the club, I'm talking about DANCING. In a studio. With a teacher. With them walking around and pinching you on your thighs and smacking on your bumm that is sticking out.

I'm talking about an honest to goodness dance class. The kind that starts with a proper warm-up and ends with you peeling sweaty leotards from your skin.

I'm searcing for adult dance classes in the Salt Lake City area and they are NO WHERE!!! Everyone will let you come "take any of the advanced classes you would like", but they don't offer seperate adult classes (except for ballroom). Well, thanks but no thanks -- I'm not going to crash your advanced classes with all the kids in there. When I was 9-10 I was in advanced classes. At 29 years-old if I have to do at-barre work with a 9 year-old in front of me I will never go back.... and that isn't what I want.

Well, I have found a tap class that runs this summer (WAHOOO!!!) and now I have found that Reperatory Dance Theater (rdtutah.org) also offers classes!!

The only problem is that the only class I can make (until my work schedule changes) is BALLET TECHNIQUE.

Umm, that's intimidating right now. I was more thinking a modern class - barefoot - normal clothes - playful - able to get away with less technique.

But BALLET TECHNIQUE?!?!? Now I'm having nightmeres of hair pulled tightly into buns, pink tights, black leotards and teachers with accents swinging around yard sticks. I'm picturing the classical pianist banging out beautiful classical music on the piano as the teachers screams in Russian.

LOL

Ok, probably not that bad.... but now the question is. Am I ready?

I was ready to get back into the studio, but that is when I thought I could use a laid-back Modern class as my jumping off point.

I don't know if I'm enough of a bad-ass to jump right back into BALLET TECHNIQUE.

Ugh, I shudder.

Leader of the pack

I just arrived in Sun Valley with my snow board team and we got logged into our condo. As the only female staff member I have been blessed with the master suite.
This place is gorgeous!!
I have a balcony, huge memory foam king bed, my own cable tv with on demand, own bathroom with jetted tub, etc, etc, etc.
I'm so glad I found these gorgeous condos for us! I had no idea they were this nice... And I had no idea I would get this fantastic suite all week!
I can definitely handle this!
The town looks really fun and I'm excited to go window shop and explore while getting some good long walks in.
I really do have a great job. This is going to be a fun week...
I will keep you updated on the happenings!

Chef Sara

One of the things I love-love-love to do is cook.

So, the fact that I'm getting ready to leave on a 7-day trip with my Snowboarding team and the fact that I'm preparing a menu plan and getting ready to cook every meal for them has me excited.

I know that sounds like hell for some of you.... but I'm stoked, hopefully they will be too.

Hopefully their little tummies are full and their bodies are nutritiously fueled the entire time.

Now, if I could only convince them to do the dishes. LOL

I'm leaving on a jet plane... oh wait, in a van

I feel like I've been on the road a lot lately!!

I've been kind of spoiled and haven't traveled much with my athletics teams lately -- until this past month!!!

Recently I've made a road trip through Montana with Men and Women's basketball. Been to Las Vegas with Men's Lacrosse and I'm gearing up to go to Sun Valley, Idaho with the snowboarding team for Nationals.

I love getting good use out of my cute suitcases!!

Good thing I have my house all settled with wonderful renters, my pup Porter has a warm GG and Spud to curl up with and I can leave for awhile without worrying about things at home.

It's one of the perks of this job. It was hard to leave with a family at home, but now being single again it's fun to be able to get out and explore. We all know how I love exploring!! I just didn't realize my next expedition was coming up so quick!!

I better get going, I have some laundry to do!!

Keep Swimming

This has been my mantra lately...

KEEP SWIMMING.

Tomorrow is a big day, the day it should all be over. The day that I should hopefully be able to answer some questions and be done with all this.

It isn't going to fun. Everyone is going to be there. They will probably try to be rude and intimidating, but I can survive. I have to stay strong and just get through this.

If all goes according to plans this should be the last of it. But, if I've learned one thing from all of this it is that nothing goes according to plan.

Today another punch. Tomorrow many more.

I'm just praying to survive the punches and be able to lick my wounds tomorrow night surrounded by people that love me.

36 hours from freedom. That's the hope.

I've been under the thumb long enough. I'm served my sentence for loving too quickly and trusting too much.

So, here's the final push. Swim through the fire, swim through the waves.

Because hopefully tomorrow evening will be the long awaited moment when my feet hit on solid ground and I can stop swimming against this storm.

Thanks for all your support thus far, and if I can ask one more time for your love and good energy to be sent my way I would ask for that starting now and continuing through tomorrow evening.

Love you all, here's to hoping this is almost over.